He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
