hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Mom said you looked used
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
