Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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