Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
