ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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