Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
MIDGETS
????
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
