Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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