now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
