why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
