after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
