His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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