I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
