do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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