Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
