watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
