That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The adults are the big ones right?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
