did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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