your parents love me but you hate me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
