bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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