Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
