it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
