make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
