I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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