1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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