I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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