I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
