Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
