2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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