DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
