And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
