Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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