you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
