I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
