but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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