She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
