Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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