I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
