Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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