I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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