end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
