I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Drake has all the answers
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
