Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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