i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
