Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
