Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So squirting runs in the family.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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