They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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