So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
my being single is dangerous.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
