I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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