2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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