I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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