Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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