i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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