it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's no shave November. This is our time.