i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?