apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?