all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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