So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Randomize
