i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
